


dying wishes

by orphan_account



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7840027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I used to think that it’s so depressing that people all would end up dead.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	dying wishes

“I used to think that it’s so depressing that people all would end up dead.”

Howon turns his head to look at Myungsoo, barely making out his figure under the darkness of the night. There is no moonlight shining on them, just a flicker of light from Howon’s matches. They’re hiding in a cave, afraid to make a bonfire in case it will attract the other tributes who are currently itching to kill them. They have been running and fighting for hours, trying to survive in the Hunger Games arena, a place where no one knows mercy.

“Used to?” Howon repeats, wondering why Myungsoo is talking instead of sleeping, instead of taking a rest as long as he could to, “You don’t think it’s depressing anymore?”

“No.” Myungsoo answers. Howon is pretty sure that he is shaking his head lightly, but he is not sure, “After spending my time here…I don’t think it’s that depressing.”

“Why?” Howon asks again, still not understanding.

“Because sometimes dying is a better option than living.”

And now he understands. Myungsoo is right, sometimes dying is a better option than living. It’s true for most people who were chosen as a tribute for their districts. For people from districts like one, two, and four, Hunger Games is a place to prove themselves because they have been raised to prepare for this. But for people from lower districts like Myungsoo, it’s no better than being thrown to meat grilling machine. While there is winner from lower districts once in a while, people from the upper districts still has an advantage.

He hears Myungsoo hisses in pain so he scoots closer to Myungsoo, feeling concerned. He lights up another match to see Myungsoo’s wounds clearly. He winces as he sees that Myungsoo’s clothes are mostly covered by blood, in contrast to Howon’s mostly clean clothes.

“Does it still hurt?” Howon asks though he realizes that it’s a rhetoric question. Myungsoo has been stabbed in the shoulder, almost got his neck cut off, and got sliced by swords in several areas. Some more wounds and Myungsoo would die for blood-loss. Howon is lucky that he has expertise in attacking and defending, Myungsoo—he spent most of his life working in a clothes factory. No matter how much Howon tries to protect him, no matter how much Myungsoo tries to defend himself, it’s still hard to completely making it out from a fight without any scratch.

“Yes.” Myungsoo says, “But it’s bearable now.”

“I hope our mentors will send some sponsors later.”

Myungsoo just hums in agreement, falling into silence. Howon lights off the match and holds Myungsoo’s hand. It scares him how cold Myungsoo’s hand is—he wonders if the rest of his body is as cold as his hand. He wonders if he should give Myungsoo a hug to give him warmth, but he feels afraid of hurting Myungsoo by doing so. Moreover, Capitols can see and hear their every movement and even if it’s dark, it’s possible that they can see it. Howon doesn’t really care about what Capitol thinks about him, but he is still thinking about his family.

It’s surprising enough that he, a tribute from District 2, becomes an alliance with Myungsoo, a tribute from District 8. People don’t need to see that Howon might have possibly fallen in love with Myungsoo. They becoming an alliance is already giving District 2 and Capitol enough materials to make his family suffer. It’s always like that—what tributes do in the arena can have direct effects to their close relatives. He remembers when a tribute managed to trick the arena’s tricks and became a winner, several members of his family got killed. He doesn’t want that to happen to his family.

“Myungsoo.” He calls out, checking if Myungsoo has fallen asleep.

“Yes?”

Howon bites his lip and asks, “Do you think that you’re going to die?”

“Well, I will die, soon or later,” Myungsoo says, laughing. He doesn’t sound bitter or sad, but he sounds content—which scares Howon more. Myungsoo lets out a relaxed sigh and put his head on Howon’s shoulder daringly, and continues, “I don’t want you to die.”

“I will die, too, soon or later,” Howon says, knowing that. It’s just a matter of time before he has to fight the other tributes again and he is pretty sure that some other tributes will gang up on him and Myungsoo tomorrow—because they’re the weaker and smaller team. It’s also just a matter of time before Howon gives up and let himself get killed, despite being one of the strongest tributes.

“I want you to win this thing,” Myungsoo says again, his voice faint.

The thing is, Howon doesn’t want to win.

“I’m not sure I can.” He says. He doesn’t want to say that he has given up, because that will encourage Myungsoo to give up, too. He still wants to give Myungsoo a little flicker of hope.

“If there is a miracle and we end up as the last two standing…” Myungsoo says, laughing again because, for him, that is impossible, “When you have to kill me, please don’t feel guilty about it. Because it’s what I want.”

Howon doesn’t say anything, doesn’t want to promise anything. Killing Myungsoo is the last thing he wants to do. He doesn’t want Myungsoo to die, either. But it’s impossible for both of them to survive the cruel game, where there will be only one winner. And between the two of them, the chance of Myungsoo’s survival is lower. That’s why, even before the game officially starts, Howon has decided something.

When Myungsoo dies, Howon will die, too. Because sometimes, dying together is better than living alone, in pain, and in guilt.

 


End file.
